A ROAD TO SELF-DISCOVERY 

Beautiful morning and you wake up with a smile. Everything feels right almost perfect. Then you see the reflection of your face when you pass a mirror. Suddenly you find yourself reminiscing about your past mistakes. Right then and there you no longer have that beautiful smile on your face and your heart feels so heavy. You lock yourself in the past while holding the keys in your mind. Why is it so hard to forgive yourself and move on? Learn from it and let it go. You might be thinking, “Easier said than done.” I have been through it and I am writing about it. I stopped choosing to be a Victim over and over again and chose to become Victorious. I chose Victoriously and no one and no past mistakes had the power over me to control my happiness and destiny. I realized that my feelings did not control my destiny but my action does.

I have been through a lot that could make me bitter and hate every inch of me. I have made so many bad choices and mistakes without thinking the consequences. Choices that I don’t even want to think about it for once. That past that makes me shake my body just to remove the thought of it. Like a glue, I felt it stuck with me. I chose the wrong people to be around just to fit in and lost myself. I took my mind, heart, and body for granted just to hate myself afterward. Addicted to depression, being lost and sad. Asking God and crying, Why me? Why this life for me? Is this it for me? I was becoming mentally ill in the process of finding love, myself and the meaning of life in the world. I tried to change my ways, get my life together and little did I know that change happens from within. I started my road to self-discovery with my little notebook to write my thought as a poem.

As I began my journey I start to understand that I am not worthless, and I am more than people definition. That I have a higher purpose in life than just sit in a dark room and cry myself to bed. I am important, and I have a calling in my life. I am not going to find my identity, love and belonging where I lost it. I start to see that the way I love and the way that I am is what makes me. I lost people in the process of self-love and I stayed in distance from the people that are not for me. Yes, they do have a good heart, but they were not for me. I was considerate, passionate and kind to others. Pride didn’t stop me from saying I am I love you, I am sorry to forgive me and I need help. I am truly God masterpiece and I am made in his image. Spending time alone not worrying about being lonely. I started to enjoy myself reading, writing, drinking water and going out alone for a walk. I started treating myself the way that I would treat the person that I love. I truly forgave myself for the situations that I let myself go through. I forgave myself for staying with the person that treated me like an option. I asked for forgiveness from God and from the people that I caused pain.

 Now I look in the mirror and I don’t see the old me, I see the new me that took years to be here. It didn’t take me days, weeks or months to be where I am today. It took years to forgive myself, forgive others, letting go, dealing with consequences and loving me. I took to many bad choices for so many years. Now is the time for me to make the good choices. A choice that helps me grow spiritually, mentally and physically. I still have many things to learn, things to let go and people to forgive. I am on this journey called life and I am going to enjoy every way to the end. I am going to be grateful, count every blessing and be content with what I have. Love every inch of your body, your mind, and your heart. Love yourself and believe in yourself. Start your spiritual journey. Start your getting healthy, eating right and exercising journey. Start your finishing school, getting a job, starting your own business and following your dreams journey. Start your journey of being a better parent, friend, and kind to a stranger. Start this journey to self-discovery, be courageous.

Glory be to God

B.A.

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https://about.me/poetbeckyaberra

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